I am not going to post something about "Oh, being single is so much fun!", or "All guys are the same, they are lame" or "I am THIS independent and no one can meet my expectation". They aren't entirely true, and I believe someone can complement me.
I am 20 years old and never been in a relationship. I feel too young to make such decision, to commit into a relationship, with someone who will not stay. What is the point of wasting my time on something that I predict will end?
Having some guy friends and going on some dates make me realize that being in a relationship is not on my current to-do list. I have my reasons: it is difficult to find someone who is passionate about designing his future, and even more difficult to find a guy who properly invests in me.
What I see in my guy friends is a bunch of guys who know how to have fun but have no idea where to go. Sure, some will answer things like, "I am going to be a businessman", but I don't see what exactly lights up their eyes. Is it the fact that they can earn money, get a wife, buy them things, and travel? It is easier for me to trust a guy who is not vague in describing what he wants.
Passion is also about work ethic. Why would he say "This is my passion", but constantly put networking as the most important weapon to earn what he wants. Don't get me wrong. I agree that when he is passionate about something, he'll do ANYTHING to get what he wants, but when he is really passionate about something, he'll enjoy the journey of learning and earning what he wants. Indeed, network is important, but we need to earn OUR OWN NETWORK. True passion is when he doesn't mind to work extra hard for the sake of not getting any help from his father when looking for a job. I respect a guy who knows how to fish, not a guy whose father is a fisherman!
On top of that, I admire a guy who yearns to see the world changes. He is eager to get out of his comfort zone, face obstacles, and be the change he wants to see. He always looks forward to learn something new, from everyone. He has a humble heart and openness to listen.
I once went on a brief period of dating with a guy who knew exactly what he wants. He was confident and when I was with him, I felt secure. He was like the flight attendant during an airplane turbulence, who stood there, smiled, and said "Everything is fine, trust me." I felt lucky to have him, but something went wrong and we did not make it, and I finally discovered why: he did not invest in me. A couple months ago I was browsing my old writings when I stumbled upon my own definition of investing:
You want a relationship. The type of relationship where the room is crowded but you know he is there. And your gaze secretly swipes the room, looking for his silhouette. His silhouette is more than just a sign of being; it is the person whom you adore because he is there to support you, to comment on your music taste, or to ask you 'So aren't you going to show me your shots?' because he knows how fond you are of photography.
You don't need a constant reminder that you have someone who cares so much about you. You don't need him to like your pictures on Facebook because your appearance doesn't need a compliment. He will not text you everyday, asking 'What are you up to?' or 'What's your plan for today?' because he understands how you hate small talks.
He is the guy whose eyes spark while holding a banner saying 'Go achieve your dream!'
I want him to come up as he is. To love me in silence. To not try being the perfect guy. I don't want him to assure me all of his good qualities. I am not dumb; I don't need your explanations to see who you really are. Realness shouldn't be said as often. I demand actions. I demand consistency. And as long as he tries too hard, we better stay friends.
I want a relationship, but I don't need a guy who dramatizes his importance to manipulate our relationship, as if I should feel lucky to have him. Independence doesn't go well with 'self-centered-ness'.
Did I mention flowers and opening door like Meghan Trainor's song? Nope. I don't want to be bought; I want to be invested in. It needs time, but turning friendship into a relationship is much more fun than prematurely popping the question.
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| photo credit: rocketrictic (Flickr) |
I believe that this guy is somewhere out there, and I just want him to know that I can't wait to share inside jokes with him.