I maximized the effort when writing my essay. I really did. I
am a high-achiever, an ambitious girl who wants to get everything perfect. So
when I got 58/100, my chest felt like pierced. My lecturer even approached me
to say, "Your essay is really good, but you failed to address the
question." I accepted the fact that rather than focusing on IMF, I focused
more on US-China 'conflict'. I won't talk about the content of my essay here.
Usually when I got a bad grade, I'd lock myself and bang my
head in disappointment (not literally), but this time, I am doing fine. I know I did
really bad, but I accept the fact that I can't do anything about it now. All
I have to do is to focus on my exam to ensure I'll get a satisfying final mark.
Cliche? Yep.
So I asked myself, what is really the reason, though?
Arrogance is a poisonous spirit that creeps into your mind,
and the only cure for it is to be smacked by reality. This assignment, a tiny
assignment (compared to other duties I have to do in the future as an adult),
was promised to be returned in a month, and that one month has turned me into
the biggest jerk I know (at least, in my head, because I wouldn't shout "I am smart
you know!" to everyone).
I had become a jerk over a tiny assignment, so how
will I be a humble person in the future?! What will happen to the promise
I've made to myself, the promise of not turning into an arrogant moron?! I can't be a long-term moron, waiting for reality to smack me!
This must be universe telling me to keep humble. I realize
that I've put on too high expectation on this assignment, and it had turned me into
an arrogant bitch. It was that satanic whisper in my head that told me that I
am a super smart lady, that I will undeniably get 80/100.
That is why, after I felt piercings on my chest, I quickly
recovered. At first I thought I was in denial, that I was actually sad but
tried to look strong. However, when I came to my room, read the assignment
again, and tried to cry, I couldn't. That was how I realized how reality has
thrown a brick; I was hurt, but didn't bleed. I was arrogant these couple of weeks, and I
deserve to be hit, but I am ready to bounce back, and this time, I hope I will
bounce cautiously.
You have to bounce, but remember, there is a ground down
there. Promise me that you'll be careful next time. Promise me that you'll focus on the joy of being warned.Promise me you'll have the confidence and the humble heart.